Looking forward to possibly going to Mexicali this winter! Pray for wisdom in prep and for meeting this afternoon at 3:30.

This morning, I listened to a little of David Crowder’s A Collision to help settle down and position myself to meet with God. That probably sounds (pun totally intended ) a little counterproductive if you’re familiar with DC*B’s usual style, but his music is one of the better ushers I use to facilitate and direct me God-ward. I started with “Come and Listen” and found myself really happy because of heaven by the time I got to “Foreverandever.”

I would have continued, but I needed to get ready for the rest of the day soon, so I turned off the music and moved into the Psalms. Today was 65-66. Amazing how God coordinates everything together. By the end of 66, I realized I was smiling like a fool. It’s going to be a good day.

Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me. Psalm 66.16

I went to the mall yesterday for the first time in about a year. Actually, that’s not exactly true. I went to malls this summer in SE Asia because they were air conditioned and had two well known coffeehouse chains to help overcome any homesickness and sleep deprivation. Yesterday was my first time in a mall in the United States since about this time last year. The combination of a careful budget and easy online price comparison present an impressive wall between that particular bookstore and me.

The secret password to break through that barrier was “30% off a minimum $10 purchase.” I am a sucker for a good deal on books. I thought I’d try to do the responsible thing and find a good reference book on web technology so I could expand my skill set. Fortunately, I couldn’t find what I was looking for, so I wandered over to the “religion” section.

There are two ways to shop: hunting and browsing. I usually find recommended books within my budget by shopping online; that’s hunting, and I like to call it “good stewardship.” With books, though, I’ve been missing the tactile experience of actually holding the book and physically flipping through pages to get a feel for the content — the browsing. I forgot how fascinating it is to take in all the titles in a row and ponder how it reveals the direction our society is turning. There were so many books I wanted to read, from the feel-good biography about the family of my favorite reality show to uncomfortable questions about contemporary western church culture to mind twisters about theology and discipleship. I knew I wouldn’t be able to fully enjoy any of them in the store, but I did sit down for about 20 minutes in the corner with one of them.

It took me over an hour to decide, but I finally committed to a small book that combines a few areas I’m currently working on. I went home feeling slightly guilty about spending so much time, like I had indulged in an unwarranted pleasure — kind of like how it feels to enjoy a complete meal after spending time in a third-world country eating simple basics — but not bad enough to ruin the anticipation of the book. And the boba milk tea I picked up to accompany it. Extravagant, yes?

I was still basking in the memory of the experience when I was suddenly convicted. How often do I just browse through God, observing His ways and appreciating the nuances of theology from a distance, but not intending to dive deeper into Him? Isn’t it easier to hunt through His Word for just the right characteristic or attribute in some comforting passage for the situation at hand without desiring the full picture for the long term? It’s more comfortable to study God for a few convenient moments than to grow in His likeness on His terms over a lifetime.

We’ve heard it before: knowing about God is not the same as knowing God. We don’t often hear the hard truth: it is a continuing struggle to leave behind the shopping approach for the full commitment, no matter how well we feel we’ve come to know Him. Peter was anything but a shopper. He bought in to Jesus completely and unreservedly. We can criticize Peter for his unfaithfulness when he denied Jesus, but at least Peter tried to try. Jesus, compassionately forgiving, restored him to try again. I think I would rather fail to live up to my goal than fail to have a goal at all. I can be sure I will fail throughout the process, but I can also be sure of this: He will be worth the cost.

“Master,” said Peter, “why can’t I follow you now? I’ll lay down my life for you.” John 13.37,

I’m currently reading Michael Card’s The Hidden Face of God: Finding the Missing Door to the Father Through Lament.¹ Someone gave it to me as a gift: reading material for the down times during my recent international trip. I wasn’t able to get to it this summer, and I think that was God’s perfect timing. It’s turning out to be an emotionally challenging subject.

Card wrote something in chapter 11 that was strangely comforting, even though it didn’t offer a solution to pain.

[Jesus] had not come to give answers; He had come to give Himself. …in the midst of that moment, Mary didn’t get what she wanted, not just yet, but she got exactly what she needed. (58)

Rather than trying to restore Mary to her pre-pain life through methods and ministry programs, Jesus offered Himself. He didn’t berate her for her lack of faith. He didn’t encourage her to adjust to her Lazarus-lacking life and make the most of it or give her steps toward that. He chose to enter into her grief alongside her.

Jesus’ response is beyond my comfort zone. Usually, I feel like I have to prove Jesus is Savior by offering a plan of action. In times of grief, I feel pressured to prove Jesus is Lord by pretending my grief is gone. Without allowing false and self-centered beliefs to prevail, will I choose to respond with the tenderness and honesty of Christ as I counter the lies of the enemy? More often than not, I’m looking for the how and the when, not the Who. I can’t deny the importance of the how and the when, but I must always remember the ultimate answer is Who. In so doing, I learn to balance the reality of “now” with the truth of “not yet.”

We reflect and present Christ well when, in times of grief, we offer company, not organization; fellowship in suffering before remedy to suffering; a Person rather than a prescription. All the while acknowledging God’s freedom to dictate the time table according to His purposes, not our comfort.

Jesus wept. John 11.35

1. Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2007. [↩]

A group of us got together to “practice” praying. Actually, it was more like “experimenting.” The topic for the night was redemptive gifts, as in Romans 12.6-8. Whatever your beliefs about spiritual gifts, it is always a blast to try figuring them out among friends. My guess is that it isn’t an all or nothing deal, meaning you don’t have all of one and nothing of the others. I think we can have a blend of giftings, but we tend to major in one. We may be born with one primary gift, but we might also be able to develop in other areas to a lesser degree, even if it isn’t our focus. I don’t know with absolute certainty, but I think I hover somewhere between exhorter and prophet with a bit of leader mixed in, if the context is appropriate.

This time we were focusing on one guy, praying for a physical healing. This stuff doesn’t take a lot of faith on our part for God to actually do. It just takes a lot of faith on our part to actually see Him do it. What really struck me about our time together was the way God used us as a team. One person suggested a situation, another interpreted and applied it, and another followed through with prayer for healing. Overseeing us all was another one, who directed us according to our input. You could almost tangibly sense the Spirit of God moving. It was pretty amazing, and we haven’t even see the healing yet.

One of the things I’m praying for as I start moving in a new career direction is teammates who can work in a similar fashion. I don’t necessarily want a group of people who will always agree with me, although like-mindedness toward the same goal is essential. I want people who can operate freely in their varying strengths so that the whole of our efforts is greater than the sum of its parts. I know I have strengths and weaknesses, and I need others to come alongside me for mutual strengthening and encouragement.

I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. 1 Corinthians 3.6