Oxymoronic

Is it confusing to say a clear introvert looks forward to meeting and networking with a room full of strangers? I’ve almost always tested positive for “I,” as in “introvert.” Once, I even managed to fool the test creators and emerge as an “E” (for “extravert”). Actually, I’ve been slowly making my way in the “E” direction, but I can’t say I’ve arrived.

I was a little surprised to realize how much I was looking forward to the Idea Camp. It comes at a time when it would be really inopportune to take off for two days. Deadlines and tasks and requests were already waiting for attention in my email inbox before I even left the house, but the description of the conference was pretty magnetic: “a free hybrid conference for idea makers.” The two key words being free and idea.

The urban legend is, “introverts don’t like people.” Speaking for my kind, I reject that. We like people; we just don’t want to be around them all the time. Sure, some introverts prefer solitude, but I think we need it more than we prefer it. Carrying the title of “introvert” also means carrying the title of “shy” and “quiet.” Let me say, for the record, that I and many other introverts are not shy. Some of us are even pretty loud, but I can’t personally claim that quality.

The real definition of an introvert is, “someone who is energized by ideas.” That’s probably why I’ve usually tested as an off-the-charts introvert on the Myers-Briggs personality test. I’ve joked that I only like people because they give me more ideas to play with. That isn’t completely true, but it is a little bit, sometimes. It seems something like the Idea Camp is actually made for introverts¹, but the common definition of “introvert” left me feeling like an oxymoron.

While that word was going around my head during the evening session, the platform guests were making similar jokes like “jumbo shrimp” or “Clippers basketball.” That string of smarty-pants comments (which I appreciated) was instigated by a question about “pastors-leaders.” The discussion that followed was challenging, but it resonated with a few of my own experiences and observations.

Contrary to common church culture, the title of “pastor” does not a quality leader make. I am not saying all pastors are not leaders, any more than I would say all introverts are shy and quiet. Neither am I saying pastors do not deserve the appropriate respect and submission due a public leader. Among other things the title of “pastor” carries a rightful expectation of our respect for, and submission to, their authority. But holding the authority of leadership and actually being a high-caliber leader are not always the same thing. Sometimes it is, but holding the position holds no guarantees.

Titles, positions, and authority are given; character qualities and reputation are grown. The conclusion of the discussion on pastors-leaders was not what you would expect in church. Since we weren’t in church mode, the conclusion wasn’t unexpected, but it was definitely challenging. We left that segment with more questions than answers:

• Who will you entrust the movement of Jesus to? (Instead of asking, “What skills and values do we want to instill in next generation leaders?”)
• How can we create space for leaders to emerge?
• How can we engage leaders to come to their own point of compelling and saving faith? Is this an action that almost needs to be disconnected from the church [as we know it]?

We all have our unique little oxymoronic qualities. Being a people-loving introvert is one of my tamer ones. At the risk of sounding disrespectful, God is one huge oxymoron to me. Three, yet One. Fulfilling justice while mercifully and unfairly forgiving.² Sovereign in the act of allowing us an active will. All God and all man, all at once. Sinless became sin. Could it be, even through our imperfect and apparent self-contradictions, God-in-us manages to slip through the cracks to reveal Himself?

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4.7

1. this is just one of many ideas from the conference – I’ll have to process through all the concepts [with someone? ] and post one at a time [↩]
2. It was unfair to Him. We got the better end of the deal. [↩]