Well, more like 5 hours. Please pray for an alert mind and spirit. (I’d rather not spend that time taking a nap! )

Face-to-face fellowship, prayer, and discussion

Please pray for Kaori to be ready to seek Jesus more

Is it confusing to say a clear introvert looks forward to meeting and networking with a room full of strangers? I’ve almost always tested positive for “I,” as in “introvert.” Once, I even managed to fool the test creators and emerge as an “E” (for “extravert”). Actually, I’ve been slowly making my way in the “E” direction, but I can’t say I’ve arrived.

I was a little surprised to realize how much I was looking forward to the Idea Camp. It comes at a time when it would be really inopportune to take off for two days. Deadlines and tasks and requests were already waiting for attention in my email inbox before I even left the house, but the description of the conference was pretty magnetic: “a free hybrid conference for idea makers.” The two key words being free and idea.

The urban legend is, “introverts don’t like people.” Speaking for my kind, I reject that. We like people; we just don’t want to be around them all the time. Sure, some introverts prefer solitude, but I think we need it more than we prefer it. Carrying the title of “introvert” also means carrying the title of “shy” and “quiet.” Let me say, for the record, that I and many other introverts are not shy. Some of us are even pretty loud, but I can’t personally claim that quality.

The real definition of an introvert is, “someone who is energized by ideas.” That’s probably why I’ve usually tested as an off-the-charts introvert on the Myers-Briggs personality test. I’ve joked that I only like people because they give me more ideas to play with. That isn’t completely true, but it is a little bit, sometimes. It seems something like the Idea Camp is actually made for introverts¹, but the common definition of “introvert” left me feeling like an oxymoron.

While that word was going around my head during the evening session, the platform guests were making similar jokes like “jumbo shrimp” or “Clippers basketball.” That string of smarty-pants comments (which I appreciated) was instigated by a question about “pastors-leaders.” The discussion that followed was challenging, but it resonated with a few of my own experiences and observations.

Contrary to common church culture, the title of “pastor” does not a quality leader make. I am not saying all pastors are not leaders, any more than I would say all introverts are shy and quiet. Neither am I saying pastors do not deserve the appropriate respect and submission due a public leader. Among other things the title of “pastor” carries a rightful expectation of our respect for, and submission to, their authority. But holding the authority of leadership and actually being a high-caliber leader are not always the same thing. Sometimes it is, but holding the position holds no guarantees.

Titles, positions, and authority are given; character qualities and reputation are grown. The conclusion of the discussion on pastors-leaders was not what you would expect in church. Since we weren’t in church mode, the conclusion wasn’t unexpected, but it was definitely challenging. We left that segment with more questions than answers:

• Who will you entrust the movement of Jesus to? (Instead of asking, “What skills and values do we want to instill in next generation leaders?”)
• How can we create space for leaders to emerge?
• How can we engage leaders to come to their own point of compelling and saving faith? Is this an action that almost needs to be disconnected from the church [as we know it]?

We all have our unique little oxymoronic qualities. Being a people-loving introvert is one of my tamer ones. At the risk of sounding disrespectful, God is one huge oxymoron to me. Three, yet One. Fulfilling justice while mercifully and unfairly forgiving.² Sovereign in the act of allowing us an active will. All God and all man, all at once. Sinless became sin. Could it be, even through our imperfect and apparent self-contradictions, God-in-us manages to slip through the cracks to reveal Himself?

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4.7

1. this is just one of many ideas from the conference – I’ll have to process through all the concepts [with someone? ] and post one at a time [↩]
2. It was unfair to Him. We got the better end of the deal. [↩]

One of my goals this year is to actually figure out a system to manage all of the prayer requests I have. So far, it’s a piece of paper in a notebook that I rarely look at. I guess that means it’s mostly just in my head, and until about two weeks ago, I was pretty organized in there.

There are so many good reasons to pray for these specific requests: for our personal good, for our spiritual good, for the good of the Kingdom and the Church, for the good of our communities, I could go on. This morning, though, I read something that challenged me. It’s been on my mind and has affected my perspective all day.

Oswald Chambers writes,

…at last we cry, “Heal me, O Lord, not because of my pain, nor because my soul is sick, but for Your mercies’ sake.” Then we have the answer, “The LORD has heard my supplication.”

I so often feel like I have to justify to God why I ask Him for something. I don’t want my requests to sound selfish or frivolous, so I throw in something like “for someone’s spiritual growth” or “so Your Kingdom will advance.” There is nothing wrong with wanting healing of any kind, even if it is simply for our own relief. God welcomes our honesty and sees through our piety. What struck me about Chambers’ observation was the idea God doesn’t fulfill our petitions only because we have good reasons, but because He is merciful.

I’m not saying that one reason (God’s mercy) is better than the other (personal motivation). I don’t know how to make that call, and I’m pretty sure that’s not my call to make in anyone’s prayer life other than my own, if even that. Nor do I think we can only have one reason per request. Come to think of it, I rarely have only one reason per request. But I also rarely include God’s mercy as a reason.

As I sat judging my own prayer requests and motivations, a line from an old(er) worship song came to mind.

mercy triumphs over judgment

There is always a place for reflection and placing ourselves under the microscope of God’s holiness, but what a relief to remember that at the end of an honest review, we can still rest in His mercy! I know more detailed theologians will probably say Chambers is actually referring to God’s grace rather than His mercy, but His mercy triumphs over even our own inexact judgments. This truth still remains: God answers our prayers because of who He is, not for why we ask or because of who we are…ones who actually deserve His wrath rather than His gifts. Amazing, isn’t He?

Mercy triumphs over judgment! James 2.13